Here is another practical example of how the work on Journaling RPG and incorporating it into short stories or – in this case my revelation came with – a ballad.

The idea was to work with a different approach and I am still working on the visuals. At the moment, I only have some draft imagery created by AI. which I am not going to present here, because I don’t want to spoil the real outcome. As I had written earlier, I am working on an anthology and as of now I am in the finishing phase of three stories:

• “Der Fehler – Protokoll einer Selbstauflösung” (The Mistake – Protocol of a self dissolution) – A German Short story with a “Cosmic Twist”,
• “The Beast With a Million Eyes” – A short story I commented on earlier, based on a Journaling RPG
• “The Watcher’s Gift” – A Cosmic Horror Ballad in 10 sonnets and original graphic artwork.

I have two other projects in the pipeline as of now:

• Mother – A short story based on a Journaling RPG with guest star Shub Niggurath
• Two other stories containing the Beast with a Million Eyes, which is surely becoming some sort of signature Cosmic Horror Figure in “my” realm of Cosmic Horror.

As I try to incorporate Cosmic Horror elements of H.P. Lovecraft, there will of course be creatures from the Mythos. But I will also incorporate elements or philosophical aspects inspired by the works of Thomas Ligotti, which are deeply unsettling and nihilistic, let alone pessimistic.

This sounds pretty bleak and not very life-affirming or happy, but believe me: In my way of dealing with the abyss and the deep, dark void of the depths of the dark corners of my psyche, there is always the light at the end of the tunnel.

How is that? Well, as I have already spoiled in the headline, Nyarlathotep is, in my dealings with my Core, sobriety, ADHD and psychological issues a literary figure that resembles – in the ballad “The Watcher’s Gift” and “The Beast with a Million Eyes” each – translated to my real life symbolism, if you will, the Bad Advisor that I have been illustrating in a very early post (cf. “The Bad Advisor”).

The Bad Advisor is, in short, a symbolic personification of the luring voice in my head that tempts me to drink. It is a persona of false promises, giver of toxic presents, provider of bad hope, all in the package of “Have a drink to relax and find happiness”.

Well, what other is Nyarlathotep, then? He is one of Lovecraft’s deities that are not so indifferent to the human race like other Gods or Old Ones in the Mythos. He is described as a tempter, ultimately manipulating humans as to fall into madness.

Make of the term “madness” what you will, the point here is that Nyarlathotep willingly manipulated humans into despair and oblivion and his aim is to spread madness in a malignant way.

I hope I could have brought nearer the reasons why writing is a means of dealing with inner demons, finding explanations and possibilities to deal with my subconsciously buried fears and depressions, unlocking understanding to literarily, if you will, confront myself with personalized fears and temptations.

I don’t know if that makes any sense. For me it does. And in the end, it’s all about lighting a lantern in the dark to make the path on the way to the clear horizon a little brighter and to scare away the dark of madness and anxiety.

Until next time, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.