The Clear Horizon

From oblivion of alcoholism into the light of sobriety

writing

  • mechanics of Journaling RPG and the subconscious processing of my alcoholism

    Yes, it’s cosmic horror again. I am just about to finish my first three short stories, and one is, I think, one of the more obvious processing of alcoholism. As I said, I use Cosmic Horror as a vehicle to tap into subconscious processes of my addiction, and in the case of the upcoming short… Read more

  • A cul de sac – What now?

    Keeping up the energy to get going is pretty stressful. I am now beginning to realize that it’s not simply about building up too many good habits and trying to do too many “good things” at once. I have a more fundamental problem right now, and that is something I dreaded in a long time:… Read more

  • Total freedom to exploit my mind – the pros and cons of being a pedagogue

    If people asked me what the perfect job was for me… …30 years ago: I would have said – programmer! I can indulge in nerdy stuff, be a tech-guy (following in the footsteps of my father being into technology and craftsmanship) and overcome my feelings of maths ineptitude. Result: Fail – I would have had… Read more

  • Depression, the Clown and Cosmic Horror

    Trigger Warning: This blog post deals partly with suicide. Send in the Clown… Can you remember Robin Williams? I think he was the poster boy for versatile actors, who perfectly incorporated tragic-comical characters as well as right out comedian roles. I would say he was one of the funniest actors of his time. And he… Read more

  • Life: No matter what you do, it’s wrong. Where are borders?

    Life is the sum of our choices and experience. Yes, it is. But is everything we do based on our own choice? And if so, are all these choices right? Probably not. The question is, in how far does it matter? Who is to judge? Alcoholism is a spectrum. There is a broad range of… Read more

  • Half a year sober. Whaddup next?

    I have written about some of the things earlier that would come along after half a year of my sobriety. Again, just like after stepping out of the Pink Cloud, I have the feeling of having proceeded to another level of dealing with my recovery. Which really is a good thing. Sometimes it feels like… Read more

  • Parental expectations, told and untold

    Today I had a podcast interview with two awesome guys from a German Sobriety Podcast, and the topic was, of course, about my alcohol abuse and the way into recovery. There was one topic touched upon, which echoes still in my system which I find worth mentioning: Expectations my parents had in me. Even if… Read more

  • there is no beginning, no end, no certainty. So, why not make my own worldview…?

    Let’s face two perspectives: And then we have the opposite: 2. The Universe is cold. It’s big. It’s impossible to fathom. There is no certainty. By its nature, the universe is chaos, it’s not structured; no, not even the physical laws are that predictable, since Quantum Mechanics tell us that there are only probabilities, but… Read more

  • Evidence for sustainable Self efficacy

    I have been pondering on this issue for a while now, and up until now, I could only get a grasp on self efficacy in terms of short lived response and reward (feeling good with a rush of dopamine and then slowly bounce back (ideally) into a state of balanced emotional state for a while).… Read more

  • I am not a Lovecraftian investigator, or am I…?

    Ok. Obviously I am not in reality a lone space farer in the merciless expanse of the Universe, nor am I a psychic detective who exposes supernatural beings, nor an investigator drowning in his whiskey glass over nightmarish madness encountered lurking in the dark. Do I want to be one? Probably not. So, why is… Read more