There is an issue I have been pondering on for as long as I have had been working with youths and kids, and something that I can relate to personally:

Self reliance and exterior influence in combination with task and problem solving.

As neurodivergent folks, we all need, even more than other folks, a structure and liabilities we can trust and count on, just to be sure not to be overwhelmed and stressed out up to panic attack.

The good news is, that a good structured and routined setting can give us a lot of security, but all so often, there are times and environments, in which these structures and rulesets are more or less unreliable or at leas a bit arbitrary.

This is when the creativity and the hyperfocus sets in:

As soon as we realize that there is something intrinsically stable, well structured, giving us a routine we can feel comfortable in and guarantee us strategies to solve the problem on our own, we become absolutely self reliant without being open to any suggestion from outside.

Why is that so?

I, for myself, have found out that it has to do with a couple of aspects:

1. Loss of control: As long as I can control and navigate my problems, I don’t have to rely on the control of others and on interacting with non-foreseeable variables
2. No evaluation: If I am self reliant and successful with my strategy, I can be free from being evaluated from outside, which could lead to feelings of ineptitude or misunderstandings
3. Arbitrariness: If I set the rules, I have a clear itinerary to follow. I don’t need extra energy or concentration for outside factors which I have to make myself independent of.
4. Lack of independence: If I am dependent from other people, I can’t determine the when, where and how to deal with my problems. That tends to drain intrinsic motivation.
5. Lack of information: If I am uncertain of what others expect, it makes me insecure and that undermines motivation and thus enforces procrastination.

I think this is why I like to have my independence not only in my work-life and a lot of my individual space, but also in the way I like to experience the me-universe (my system), deal independently with my sobriety, when and where I want and so on and so on.

Until next time, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.