It seems as if the summer season acts as some sort of filter or reset for certain habits, needs and routines in my life. If I have the same in winter, when the year closes, I don’t know. I think so, but the big filter is summer season. I guess it’s the rhythm that has set in as soon as I went to school, then to Uni, then to school as a teacher again and now with my kids attending school.

My vacation was three weeks Norway, and it gave me some pretty good insights (I will deal with Norway later on):

I found out that my way of healing is not at all in the last round or the victory lane.

Why is that?

Well, I think it’s a no-brainer for veterans and non-alcohol-consumers that this is a logical conclusion and a fact.

But you mustn’t forget I have an ADHD mind, which I – for myself – tend to forget every now and then.

A couple of implications go together with the insight that I am still a good way from being healed:

1. My company invited us colleagues to an event which is not primarily, but also, associated with drinking. I will not go into detail here, but this event sparked the thought in me: Why should I attend, when I am not drinking anymore?
2. Peer Pressure: In this regard, peer pressure is something that cannot be blanked out. I have this conviction never to drink again, but now, after 10 months of sobriety, the bad advisor keeps coming back, trying to convince me to have a couple of drinks just this weekend and then stop again.
3. Nostalgia plays a big role in this respect as well. Yes, self efficacy is a massively important identity building factor in my life, building also on my resilience and my resources. But idling around and giving space to my thoughts (like on vacation) tends to fuel the bad advisor to come back, be it out of social anxieties, sorrows about the future, depressive thoughts gaining ground in my mind when I am not working on my self efficacy routines. I guess that’s when nostalgia is creeping back into my psyche, trying to convince me that alcohol and the good ol’ drinking days had something to it, because it tries to give me the false promise of security (don’t we only remember the good things and tend to blank out the bad memories/experiences?).
4. ADHD is a bad teacher. I am not going into a deep dive regarding motivation and routines and the lack of dopamine here. But one thing seems to be important here: As a neurodivergent, I tend to highlight positive feelings of hyperfocus in respect of certain hobbies or developments, blanking out aspects or developments I tend to deem unnecessary or not worthwhile anymore.

The good thing is, being a reflective mind and relying a lot on self efficacy helps me regain the insight that it is sometimes worthwhile to take up thoughts and routines that I had marked as being unnecessary or not worthwhile anymore. Journaling and blogging helps a lot here.

What’s the takeaway? Well, I won’t return to drinking again, that’s for sure. But I will take up certain activities I had laid off prematurely.

Is that a setback? No. Psychoeducation tells us that ADHD minds tend to put certain “unnecessary” activities, hobbies and such into hibernation, only to awake them later on once more. Getting into this process consciously, though, gives me a good tool to constructively follow the path to the Clear Horizon.

Until next time, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.