If people asked me what the perfect job was for me…

…30 years ago: I would have said – programmer! I can indulge in nerdy stuff, be a tech-guy (following in the footsteps of my father being into technology and craftsmanship) and overcome my feelings of maths ineptitude. Result: Fail – I would have had the necessary skills, but the barrier was too high, at least today I know it wasn’t the mathematics in itself, it was my ADHD and the mix of feeling insufficient and lack of motivation to stay at it.

…20 years ago: Teacher! Yay! I could indulge in one of my nerdy hobbies of fantasy and horror literature and I would get to teach this wonderful topic. And I could follow in my father’s footsteps of being a teacher (and, my mother would be happy to be her “successor” of being an “intellectual”…mh…) Result: Part result, part fail – I found out that studying the subject as such was challenging from the start, but motivation kept me going. In the end my preparatory service as student teacher snapped my neck: I simply lacked the discipline and self structure and motivation to sustain the constant pressure of delivering the perfect lesson (that’s an oddity in German teacher education: You are pressured to plan the perfect lessons which will never work out in real life. It’s a bad run of a reality simulation…maybe this is stuff for a nightmarish Cosmic Horror story one day 🙂 Bottom line: I worked 15 years in this job without finishing my preparatory service but I didn’t need it, because the schools I worked in were private schools and I was my own master. That was a definite upside, although in the end I seemed to succumb to my own ideals. In the end it aggravated my drinking problem and I ended up in two near- or complete burnouts.

…10-15 years ago: Pedagogue (social worker or the like). I wanted to do something else apart from teaching. So I did something which ended up to be the best choices of my career life: I did a part time study to attain the Master’s degree in pedagogy and I could incorporate my teaching job practically. Incorporating media technology, music and teaching was a very good decision, because I could do all these things as side effect for my studies. Result: Total success – I felt an upsurge in self efficacy and my identity. All that jazz I have been writing about here came to pass. I had a good reason to quit my old job and work with kids (check on what I liked about being a teacher) AND I could work with media technology and information technology respectively. I could incorporate music. I could incorporate sports.

And here is why all of this works and why being a pedagogue has many advantages

• I have a job where I can freely decide what I think is appropriate to work on with my clients.
• I have freedom to structure my day
• I can do things that motivate me and through self efficacy and self efficacy expectations it gives me the appropriate feedback I need for my chaotic ADHD mind.
• As a pedagogue, you are able to discuss and argue always in my favor, simply because I know how to put the things and decisions in the right perspective. And it’s a lot of trial and error which in the end, after a good reflection, gives me a result that is neither positive or negative.
• I can argue, for example, in favor to use RPG, Music, Cosmic Horror, whatever you will, to incorporate it in my work as well as in my personal development.

There are downsides of course:

• The freedom of thought and choice sometimes can make you want to make decisions that are more rewarding for my dopamine stratification than what is really needed
• It takes a lot of time and energy to reflect and decide. Yes, freedom comes at a price.
• You are never sure if the results you yield are always exactly what you aimed for (which is actually not the biggest problem; but you need to keep it in mind when reflecting. See bullet point above).
• You are constantly on your toes. It needs a good portion to distance yourself from certain aspects of professional and personal life, although learning for the job is learning for private life and vice versa.
• If you are prone to burnout and substance abuse, you need to be very careful (Oops…) Well, ok. This is what I learned from and where I set clear and effective boundaries, so that is something I really have on my screen.

Putting all these aspects into context and relation, pedagogue is the best choice I have ever made, because it universally incorporates all that I need and want from life in a (more or less) balanced way to keep me sane. And all of that without a single drop of rum.

Until next time, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.