Let’s face two perspectives:

1. Everything is well ordered and structured. There is an entity, let’s call it God, Allah, Shiva, the Great Spaghetti Monster, or whatever your deity of worship is called. Everything in this world has a purpose, your life has a purpose, there is a beginning and (most probably) an end. There is a point of orientation and trust in the assumption that the good will be rewarded and the bad will be punished.

And then we have the opposite:

2. The Universe is cold. It’s big. It’s impossible to fathom. There is no certainty. By its nature, the universe is chaos, it’s not structured; no, not even the physical laws are that predictable, since Quantum Mechanics tell us that there are only probabilities, but no certainties. There is no deity that will judge what’s good and what’s evil. When you die, you simply perish. No afterlife. There is no purpose. And since there is no clear beginning or certain end, you will never find a center or point of interest. Everything is infinite, even the insignificance of humanity, earth our galaxy and most probably even our Universe, if you follow the assumption that there is a vast Multiverse beyond the borders of our Universe.

What makes us certain that either one perspective is correct? What is reality? Do we know? Probably not. At least I I don’t know, not for sure. On the upside, I follow the notion of theistic agnosticism. That means – simply put – I WANT to believe in a godly deity, but I am not certain. I simply don’t KNOW. On the downside, since I am not certain, it all may be a meaningless void. And that is a pretty bleak view.

My upside worldview gives me a dilemma: I don’t believe in either perspective 1 or 2 full scale. I don’t follow cosmologies or esoteric. I don’t follow certain religions.

So, if there is no anchor or no safe harbor to venture to, I must be lost, drowning in the darkness of the void and utter oblivion…?

No. And, ironically, the second perspective (which, without the notion of cosmic entities) is pretty close to the notion of Cosmic Horror. And this is my support system for my world view.

Why?

Well, I explained earlier that Cosmic Horror gives me the perspective on the Universe being a vast expanse and that I might feel helpless and lost in this endless chaotic void, but since I have my own system of which I am the center, in which I can let my personality, my identity and my self efficacy bloom in a social, ecological and philosophical spectrum, I have a centre where I can anchor in. I give it the borders I need to fill the void with light, hope and life. That is sufficient to me.

A way I could find this solace has – ironically again – come to me through dealing with my anxieties, my depressive state and my alcohol consumption. Diving into the Core. Searching for a WHY.

And I didn’t or don’t achieve this by simply reflecting, trying to keep emotional balance and dealing with my psychological issues, although ADHD and approaching it was the key to attain a new, dynamic world view:

I came to this insight after listening to “Cover me in Sunshine”:

“Tell me that the world’s been spinning
since the beginning,
and everything’s gonna be alright.”

Well, it won’t. Not by itself. Not for me. There is no certainty: Religion? I don’t believe enough to find this consolation there. Democracy? Well, we were told it is the best political system. True. But it is nothin fixed. It can perish. Social security? Same. Peace and stability? I beg your pardon…?

Well, so the only way to find stability it through self efficacy and self awareness, in creating a system I can move in more or less safely, even with the constraints that tend to be very volatile right now. So I need this system and worldview to be adaptable and dynamic, without drowning my sorrows and fears in alcohol.

So, what does ADHD have to do with it? The answer is: Learning to filter what is important and interesting. Choosing the right way to deal with it in a manner that its response is rewarding.

I wrote about ESNG yesterday. I think it “came” to me when I dealt with the philosophical ramifications of Cosmic Horror and why it is important for identity building.

I want to explain it with my words (forget the pseudo-scientific BS I let AI write for me):

Put it into four phases:

1. “Entropic exploration”: This means, that every new process, activity, habit, method that rains down on me in concentrated overwhelming mass can either be dodged (with alcohol, or procrastination or other maladaptive methods), or I can simply let it rain down on me and I let time pass until the compact, concentrated overwhelming bundle dissolves somewhat, because the nearer I get, the more small parts are getting clearer and the interesting aspects remain, while others fade. In my mind, those aspects fading are making way for space between the interesting aspects, so the dissolving of the compact bundle dissolves in an entropic way.
2. deconstructing: Those chunks remaining in my interest-sphere I can now take a closer look at; I can deconstruct them, visualize aspects of it and take small steps to analyze them. I deconstruct them until there remain (what I find are )the smallest meaningful parts. These are the Nuclei
3. Nuclear extraction: I take those Nuclei that are, in my important, the most meaningful that can be re-composed with other Nuclei to make up new thoughts, processes, aspects, or whatever else, that are meaningful to me.
4. syntropic reformation: I can reshape these Nuclei – networks to a new, meaningful process or aspect that suits my need to be self effective, motivating, meaningful or identity building. It needs to suffice the pre requisition to be dynamic and that I can deconstruct it, whenever necessary to adapt it by adding new Nuclei to it.

By incorporating THIS theoretical framework into the philosophical ramifications of a dead, cold Universe that has no beginning, no end and no meaning, I can build my own post-constructivist, life-friendly, warm, bright systemic identity island. And that is enough for me. It doesn’t matter if the Universe is a huge expanse, because the horizon of my self efficacy, altruism, meaningfulness is dynamic and will (for me) always scare away the darkness of the void and oblivion.

And all of that (I know I am being repetitive) without a single drop of rum.

Until next time, take one step at a time and keep up the faith in yourself.

PS: There will be some news I will be announcing tomorrow 🙂