Your worth in this world is more or less measured by your value. That is – mostly, at least in capitalist oriented societies – a reality: You are what you own. Success is something measured by wealth. At least that is something we tend to believe. I don’t want to discuss political or societal philosophies or the benefits or drawbacks of certain economic, political and societal views.

I am more concerned about what this mindset has to do with me, my self esteem and thus the implications of my alcohol abuse and recovery.

In my environment, world, system – whatever you want to call it – money, success and material prosperity was and is propagated as something desirable, and status is something that makes you valuable, as a person and as a member of society. This may sound harsh or pessimistic, but if you break it down to how society works and how you can get along in society, then money and status is the measure of things.

I look around in my neighborhood: One of my neighbors installs a solar panel on his rooftop: So do at least 5 others. A neighbor has a new SUV; so do at least 3 others. The number of electric cars, especially SUVs has miraculously increased by the same numbers. And everybody wants to follow suit.

Did I, too? Well, I always tried to be “ahead of things” when it came to new technology, if I could somehow afford it, and, yes, hyperfocus in combination with the RAS (Reticular Activation System, I have discussed that a couple of months ago) is a very potent motivator, I could:

I leased an electric car, way ahead of many of the neighbors. And boy, were they watching interested and looked and marveled and wondered. Man, was I happy to be in the focus of interest: An electric car, I want one too, how can he afford it, all that jazz.

Do I own the latest I-Phone? You bet. Ok, I used to own the latest I-Phone, I still am quite up to date.

Do I own a good Laptop? Yes, of course. Only the best for me (or so. It has been in my possession for over a year).

What makes me want to be “special” in this regard? Was it the most expensive things I owned? No. There are more expensive cars, phones and laptops than the ones I own(ed). And I have no solar panel.

It’s not necessarily about the VALUE of things I own(ed). It’s more or less owning something that not everyone has, especially if it put me in the front seat of ne technologies.

The question is: Why am I so focused on these gadgets? I detest SUVs. I detest wanting the newest, biggest house, gadgets and stuff. At least I WANT to detest it or be DETACHED from such thinking.

See, my wife has the clear advantage that she is far less materialistic than me.

I can only assume that it has to do with mindsets and beliefs that come from my Core. Feelings of inadequacy, lower self esteem, inferiority or whatever it was or is that I am focused on things has to do with my Core. The more I proceed on my Recovery path, the less I have the desire to own these things.

Sure, I really love my Macbook. But not for its special touch of being “hip”, but for the practical aspects. Same goes for my phone and my car (which, by the way, I don’t own. It’s a company car I use for work). These are all goodies I can use to make my (work)life easier. Each day I dive the deeper into my Core, the less I yearn for these things.

The equation in my head goes as follows (and I still have to come to terms here for myself to follow suit): The bigger the car, the smaller the ***-

Yes, this is a bit rude, but there is a truth to it: It has to do with compensation for things desired in your life that are unfulfilled. And that rabidly bite deep into your self esteem flesh and infest it with the feeling of representing yourself with big things to externalize your feelings of inadequacy: If you own a Porsche, you seem to have status, and that means you are a worthy person.

Well, I learned it only takes enough discipline and keeping your money together to afford a BMW, an iPhone and an expensive watch.

Today, you can make a lot of debt, “Pay Later” or leasing to show your status. I did it myself. But I paid the price. Ever wondered how well an ADHD person holds their money together? Well, don’t ask. It’s terrible.

I was never broke, I could always deal with my money, my family doesn’t suffer from my spending. But I did.

What does this have to do with alcohol consumption? Well, alcohol consumption not only rose to problematic levels because of burnouts, anxiety and depression (which are, of course, deeply associated with my core), but the alcohol consumption was also a compensation for not meeting “Status standards” around me. I drank less when I leased an electric car, or owned an expensive guitar.

And now? Well, I am still reframing. My mind knows that all this materialistic pursuit is bad and overcompensating. And it has the potential of addictive or toxic habit loops (I own a lot of outdoor gimmicks 🙂 and I am trying to get loose from it, because I know, it’s only the “Kollateralmeise” (cf. earlier post).

The takeaway? Well, the takeaway is not only trying to detach from the feeling of being inferior because I don’t own a fully electric Porsche SUV and a solar panel on my rooftop. It’s also about not judging people too much about it, because I am not morally better person because I have found enlightenment. That would only be depreciating people and being arrogant. I want to have a humble perspective and just feel happy that I don’t need these coercion of materialism anymore. Like I am happy to see that I can lose 30lbs in a year’s time and become healthier through sports. Or being sober. I don’t depreciate people for drinking or having too much weight. I am only happy that I could put an end to unhealthy developments.

It’s the same with materialism. But it is more about mental health and environmental care. And about the way I deal with people without feeling (myself) or giving other people the feeling (that I could be) morally superior to them. Because I am certainly not. If they feel better or superior to me because they own an SUV? Let them.

That is where I want to get close to. Is it a goal? Nah. More the motivation to develop more humility and indifference for what other people think of me and what I might think of them. Live and let live. At least as nobody gets hurt.

Until next time, take one step at a time and keep up the faith in yourself.

And remember: This is just my opinion and not my conviction of how everybody should be.