That may seem like an odd questions for a male to take into consideration: Crying is something for kids and for girls – or so… At least that’s how the truisms or our deeply rooted beliefs tell us. And, yes, these beliefs are deeply, deeply implanted not only in our individual systems, but also the societal.

I don’t want to open the debate about if that’s wokish or part of the “new manliness” or “modern masculinity”. Believe what you will, I will not comment or debate about that here.

My personal approach is: Well, why not think about it? Many people I work with tend to say: No, you shouldn’t cry more. Crying is a bad emotion and we should do everything to keep us from crying.

I, for myself, have found out (and, with the help of reading and listening, of course) that crying can be a powerful tool to your inner emotional world. Consider your emotional safeguards like a thick wall in a river dam, keeping all the water in and only cotrolled measures of water pass through. But what if the dam or the drainage becomes dyfunctional? You want to repair it and have the water in a constant level and controlled flow.

Sometimes it’s the same with my emotions. I want them in a balanced and controllable way. Sometimes it’s not easy. Especially when you’re used to consuming alcohol as a quick fix. But it’s only a band aid for the dam. So alcohol can be ruled out.

Flailing, kicking, raging is sometimes helpful, but it is only a short relief. The emotional pressure is sometimes so large and overwhelming, that you can raze down a part of the dam to let a large amount of water flow out. Don’t mind about the path of destruction it may leave behind. Your emotional wave can be let loose in an environment where it won’t leave a path of desaster and debris.

But, opening the gates of your dam and washing out all of the poisoned and infested water can cleanse the basin that you can call “soul”. Then, when it’s empty, maybe you have time to mend damages to the dam wall and the basin itself.

So what’s the point? Crying feels, according to Kurt Krömer, a German comedian who wrote about his depression and alcohol abuse respectively, stated: “Crying is like sleeping for seven days or taking a one week vacation”. So, it gives you rest, release, easing pressure. It needs to be done once in a while.

I haven’t done it in years, but I must say: The last time I let the dam break, it was even in a situation I thought it would wreak hacoc. It didn’t. The people around me didn’t make fun of me, they weren’t mean or disrespectful. They were sympathetic and helpful. It was a great feeling, after I could shake of the emotion of false shame.

So, to answer the question: I don’t know about you, but I, for myself, have decided to let it happen more often. Without remorse, shame and a guilty feeling.

Considering what it does to my masculinity? I wrote about my masculinity and about (my opinion of) toxic “manliness” earlier.

Until next time: Keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.