We all need to relate to something. But the thing is, everyone has their own way to relate to something, right? I used to love Glen*** Scotch Single Malt (which, sometimes, I miss dearly).

But why is that? Why do I still miss the taste and feel of a Glen*** Scotch Single Malt with a good cigar, even though I can’t stand smoking anymore and I don’t miss alcohol in the least?

It all comes down to identity. We all identify with things that give us a feeling of security and a sense of home. Remember the saying? Home is where your heart is…?

It is true, but, in my world, only half way. The other truths are: “Home is where your head is” and “Home is where the outer world shapes your mindset”.

These three “truths” have some underlying truths, and they all have to do with socialization, self efficacy and a strong exterior influence. And they are all interrelated, like in the mobile I sometimes take as a systemic image to visualize the ripple effects throughout my biography:

1. Socialisation: Of course, the stronger I was socialized that drinking is normal (daily drinking of my parents, early drinking in my youth), the more it felt normal or “heartfelt” to drink in my later life, especially in stressful situations. That was, of course, enforced by my social circle in my youth and my student years and it became an automatism when socialization wasn’t a driver anymore. Because
2. Habitualisation and different degrees o self efficacy and self esteem play(s/ed) a big role in identity building, apart from the automatic and acquired habits and activities from my social system. The mindsets and the socialization of course enforces the choices of certain brands, types and frequency of alcohol consumption, because it was embedded deeply into my system without self efficacy or self awareness drawing into question those habits or mindsets. The more individually I became in evaluating my habits, my past and my self efficacy, the more individual I could and can react to the pull of mindsets and habitualised automatisms of the past.
3. A very strong influence can be exterior input, because (unfortunately) forces that have either a malevolent character (like demagogues or conspiracy theorists or dogmatic radicals) or those who have a strong interest in extending their influence on you, be it out of reason of power, money or other. And, the more professional the perpetrators and the weaker the recipients, the stronger the influence will be, and if the perpetrators are skillful and know exactly your weak spot, they might even brainwash you in thinking it had always been part of your identity (like for me, drinking Scotch Whiskey and smoking cigars).

What’s my takeaway for today? Well, yes, it all comes down to self efficacy and self awareness, nothing new here. But the little or bigger changes in perspective is always a good means to fortify what I feel is right for my identity in the here and now and it always helps redeem or repair small parts that feel wrong or in need to repair in my past by retrospectively give these memories a new connotation. Thereby, it sheds more light on my Core and is an important factor in strengthening my sobriety and my identity.

Until next time, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.