Have you ever watched the film Vivarium? No? Well, I would say it’s one of the most unsettling films I’ve ever seen. Here’s why and why it’s important for my voyage.

It’s not a Lovecraftian film in the strict sense. But it has a lot of the implications of the insignificance of humans in the infinity of space and time. And it shows the insignificance of our own lives, choices and the desolation of the repetitiveness of our lives and of generation after generation of reproducing, feeding, thriving. For what cause? The film suggests: There is no cause, not in a human sense. There is the sense to be nourishing the next generation of a parasite that needs humans to reproduce so that they can make humans help them reproduce. It’s a vicious cycle that can lead you into insanity if you try to get a philosophical hold to it.

And this is something that can spark existential threat, fear, depression. A feeling of senselessness.

This is why it is an important concept for me. It is either finding a sense in what we do for ourselves, whatever that may be: Fun, altruism, greed, love, caregiving, faith – whatever you will. But in the end it’s up to you and yourself to build a system where you can find a meaning in. Otherwise the nihilistic view will either make you indifferent, insane or depressive. And this is where I decided to make self efficacy and altruism my identity forming concept. Yes, the world is big, chaotic, a lot of which we can’t control. It is mind boggling and may make you feel small and insignificant, you may subdue yourself to forces controlling you, giving you a false sense of security. Then the forces of feelings of inadequacy strike. Alcohol consumption or other maladaptive choices make you depress feelings of fear, doom and gloom. And in the end, you’ll find no way out. The nihilistic cycle strikes again. But this time, the spiral is going down.

Or you break the cycle. Make yourself the center of the system. Give yourself meaning.

Charlie Chaplin said: “Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot”.

I decided to take the long shot perspective in terms of making my system big enough so I don’t hit the boundaries of the reality of the nihilistic void of insignificance.

Until next time: Take one step at a time and keep up the faith in yourself.