My mind normally hates idleness, because it forces thoughts into my mind that may spiral out of control. I discussed that earlier. But being at the sea and finding solace in the sublime and infinity of the horizon gives my mind rest to find productivity in idleness:

Ever heard of Thomas Ligotti? No? Well, you should really give it a try reading his stories. You should be ready for a ride, though.

The interesting thing about cosmic horror is the implication of the insignificance of the human race as such and of the individual in special.

Once you have reached a certain bottom line of depression hollowness and anxiety hopelessness, and when you flee into the erotically lacquered claws and fangs of substance addiction, which will pull you even deeper into the dark swamp of insignificance, you learn about the horrors of the depths of your soul.

This is exactly my experience when reading Ligotti. He goes one step higher on the escalation of horror. He is not only dealing with the suspense, the fear, the creepiness. He is exploring horror in a philosophical way, in my reading experience.

And why, then, is this important?

The insight struck me today:

Ligotti sees himself as atheist and nihilist. Both are philosophical or theological concepts I studied a lot and I find the implications interesting, but it’s not my belief. If you must or want to know: I am what you might call a theistic agnostic, with hints of pantheism and a conscious universe. This in itself shows combinations of Cosmic and philosophical horror, but that’s not the point here.

The point is, that Ligotti has suffered from psychic disorders and substance abuse himself. And Lovecraft had some of these disorders as well (yet, I don’t want to discuss Lovecraft’s homophobia here).

The key aspect here is, at least from which I draw my takeaways for dealing with my own addiction, anxiety, depression and ADHD (which, all in all, goes down to the same core) is, that diving and indulging in the deep terrors of the human soul and likewise diving into the horrors of Cosmic Horror is diving deep into my core and finding the answer to the feeling of insignificance and inadequacy: The only way not to develop a solid insanity is by finding peace and solace in my own self awareness and self efficacy.

I will spare you the discussion of the aspects of why self awareness, self esteem, self efficacy and all that jazz is important, I have done so before.

But maybe it gets clearer to you (at least it does for me) why diving deep into the inexplicable depths of horror is a helping and healing form of remedy my mental health needs in order to cope with my Core and thus living a successful Recovery.

Until next time: keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.