What is cognitive distortion, to clarify things unknown first?

To quote Wikipedia:

“A cognitive distortion is a thought that causes a person to perceive reality inaccurately due to being exaggerated or irrational. Cognitive distortions are involved in the onset or perpetuation of psychopathological states, such as depression and anxiety.”

Depression? – Check, Anxiety? – Check.

Ok. So, what is this post about? The issue is that quitting drinking had the implication to me that I needed

1. to compensate for not drinking anymore
2. I needed to do something meaningful, since I had the time and the energy

This is, all in itself, nothing bad. Although the problem ad 1. was I set up habits that got me close to another addiction, respectively hollow habit loops, such as Doom Scrolling or buying stupid stuff and ad 2. that doing something meaningful ended up for me to only feel good enough if I stuffed my calendar with a lot of positive habits and energy.

And this is, where my anxiety came fully blown into my face when the Pink Cloud faded out.

I had the feeling of not doing enough. I had the feeling that the things I did could be not meaningful if I stepped back from them, undermining my efforts to build a better identity and a better self esteem.

The problem is, this cognitive distortion led to the new problem that not feeling good enough or consistent enough got me thinking I would need to keep up good habits at all cost to maintain a high level of dopamine.

I realized that this is exactly the problem I wanted to avoid: Making meaningful habits is good, but if they lose meaningfulness, or sensibility, they become hollow habit loops that reinforce the feelings of anxiety and depression. It makes the whole intention of building a better life not only obsolete, but it leads into a vicious circle spiraling deeper and deeper into the depression void.

So, when are too many good intentions getting bad? For me, if they feel forced, if they feel stressful to maintain in a way that they lack sensibility. So, do I need a “Meatless March” after “Hands Free February”? Well, reducing meat is probably never a bad idea, but not only for the sake of labeling as a “good intention” or “good habit”. These are only hollow shells.

I decided to cut back on using my smartphone. It was a good intention and it served its purpose. Will it be sustainable? Yes, but only because I realized that there are certain aspects about reducing smartphone use, but not at all costs.

Is it sensible to drink no alcohol? Yes, definitely. My mindset is pretty sturdy here and I don’t see any good reason or any scenario I would get a good feeling out of it.

What about meat? If it helps me to reduce red meat intake and thus reduce the risk of colon cancer, plus to help me improve my carbon footprint, then this is sensible enough. But I can project that I will probably eat red meat later on, because I love it. I will eat it with a different mindset though, and this will be consuming meat on a more mindful way.

Will this decrease cognitive distortion? Well, it will, if I am mindful about choosing to maintain habits and intentions, but also being mindful of choosing not to maintain habits or intentions. And if I am self compassionate with myself if I leave out a habit once in a while.

Until next time, keep up the faith in yourself and take one (mindful) step at a time.