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I have been pondering on this issue for a while now, and up until now, I could only get a grasp on self efficacy in terms of short lived response and reward (feeling good with a rush of dopamine and then slowly bounce back (ideally) into a state of balanced emotional state for a while).… Read more
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Ok. Obviously I am not in reality a lone space farer in the merciless expanse of the Universe, nor am I a psychic detective who exposes supernatural beings, nor an investigator drowning in his whiskey glass over nightmarish madness encountered lurking in the dark. Do I want to be one? Probably not. So, why is… Read more
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Boy, I really need to have an eye on myself not getting actually consumed by the topic which is currently my navigational compass. I just saw a Cosmic Horror film that just ticks off every single characteristic of what makes a film or story Cosmic Horror. And that brings me to the question: When is… Read more
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A week at the sea has ended and I am back in domestic territory. Funny thing: After a perfectly clear horizon yesterday giving me the symbolic anchor of a time to breathe, today the weather hailed us with snow and wind. As if the Universe wanted to tell me something… No, joke aside. Of course… Read more
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Yes, another overcomplicated headline and topic, but the longer I stay at the sea and the more time I find at the moment to dive into the works of Thomas Ligotti, my hyperfocus is feverishly working. And then, today, I went to the beach, and it was the clearest horizon I saw in a long… Read more
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I think I have reached another waymark in the process of my recovery, and this time it seems to be a more complex one. My stay at the sea has condensed a couple of interesting thoughts regarding cosmic horror, philosophical horror, the disorders in my individual system as well as the self awareness and what… Read more
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My mind normally hates idleness, because it forces thoughts into my mind that may spiral out of control. I discussed that earlier. But being at the sea and finding solace in the sublime and infinity of the horizon gives my mind rest to find productivity in idleness: Ever heard of Thomas Ligotti? No? Well, you… Read more
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I promised to myself to get to the sea at least once a year. Interestingly, the sea has always delivered on the promise to grant me solace, the feeling of sublime and the feeling of infinity. This is nothing I want to comment too deeply upon. Only that by the sea everything becomes so perfectly… Read more
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Shall I really write today? Ok, but I’ll do it only for five minutes. This was exactly my thinking when I was typing today’s post. I was unmotivated like I wasn’t unmotivated in a long time. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was pretty idle today and in the evening I… Read more
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It wasn’t the stress that made me drink more than before in the COVID – era. This is an interesting insight, because I always thought that I had a very stressful time during COVID. Yes, it was stressful. I had a lot of remote home schooling, I had shifts of emergency childcare at the school… Read more
From oblivion of alcoholism into the light of sobriety
The Clear Horizon 