I think I have reached another waymark in the process of my recovery, and this time it seems to be a more complex one.

My stay at the sea has condensed a couple of interesting thoughts regarding cosmic horror, philosophical horror, the disorders in my individual system as well as the self awareness and what it has to do with everything and nothing. This is a deeply philosophical question, yes, but it has, even more important to me, many implications about how my mind works and how I deal with my Core.

Since this is very complex matter I need to look at from different angles, and even more so, I need to go back and forth in the ideas, I need to do something I learned in my secondary university education, which has to do with textual analysis and drawing conclusions out of it.

Yes, I could do without texts. I could do with only my blog and my diary, and maybe with my podcast, but I need to have another level of dealing with it. This is not simply reflecting and writing about it, it’s not about factual level and meta-level. This is more philosophical. I learned that through the dealing with the biographical backgrounds of Ligotti and Lovecraft. It is a level, I think, even above the meta-level. More tob e found in the depths of my subsconscious. And for that, I need a corpus of individual texts.

This is why I need Horror RPG Journaling. And I need to condense this into another genre. This is why I am doing it. This is what I found out here, at the sea, where I could make my mind blank and have clearer idle thoughts. 

To preserve these condensed ideas and to get deeper in touch with the subconscious, the genre of horror short stories is exactly the way to generate a corpus with which I can do qualitative analysis of my own subconscious.

Sorry if this is sounding very dry and serious. But it sounds drier and more serious than it is. I will have a lot of fun with it. It serves three different purposes: Fun (leisure time writing and playing), self-therapy (diving into the sub-conscious, analyzing and understanding), job (the youths getting in touch with their own subconscious, playfully).

And it’s always a process. If I am not successful in writing a horror short story anthology based on my RPG – Journals, it’s still another part oft he way in my Recovery.

Until next time: Take one step at a time and always keep up the faith in yourself.