This is the second half of the two part post I started yesterday. And today I’d like to tackle the question, goal or way? Meaning: Is/are there final goals I should achieve in the end? Or is it more about the way I need to go along and learn en route?

This is not so trivial as I thought it would be when starting my recovery journey, because initially I thought having a specific sobriety goal would just be IT. But since this is all a spectrum question and a question of mindset and learning, I guess it is not a particular goal I can reach.

Like almost everything that applies to learning and developments, this is definitely a process oriented approach – as opposed to an output oriented approach. I could discuss the social or economic philosophy behind those two approaches, where the more quantifiable output orientation sounds a bit more like “toxic self optimization”, and the process orientation is more qualitatively approachable, which has more a feel of a natural flow of development.

This is why I don’t like to define or describe my success in a goal orientation like Allan Pease suggests (although I learned a lot from his book, which is a great read if you are able to take out of it what you need), but rather process oriented like James Clear (although his approach is also pretty much aiming at productivity and self optimization).

I’m drifting off. Sorry. Where was I…?

Yes. The way is the goal, and every step is valuable.

There are three processes I identified I want to follow path in a long run (presumably until the end of my life (shudder!!!!):

1. Finding balanced paths for an emotionally and psychologically balanced curve, in which spikes and dips are ok, because I can neutralize by finding an equilibrium. This is definitely the most important process to be kept in mind. It influences the other two processes most, although all three do interact.
2. Developing a sobriety and recovery mindset that truly makes me bullet proof. If Daniel Schreiber is right, it will take round about 10-15 years to build this process. But I’m fine with that, because it has a lot to do with resilience, resources and self efficacy.
3. Finding a truthful balance between my own desires/needs, the desires and needs of my family and friends and a good coming-to-turns with the other aspects of my life without selling out myself.

I could draw a chart or Venn diagram in order to clarify the interactions of the processes, and maybe I’ll do that later. Or maybe not. Anyways; boiling it down to these three processes gives me a lot more space to breathe and helps me sorting out which of the loose ends I need to pick up to have a sensible lead to follow through.

Am I sure that this is a definite set of processes? No. Of course I’m not. But I like thinking in systems. And as long as this system works, I will stick to it. And at the moment, this is the part of the way feels good and there is no need to find another path.

Until next time, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time. It’s your way, so it’s your choice. Be mindful of yourself 🙂