There might be a feeling arising that there is some dissonance in the picture or the imagination, that a drooling dog and a man indulging in old memories may have to do something with improving my mental health, but even though the poles may be very far apart, they have something in common.

They bridge a gap in my way of dealing with emotional states I have pondered on for a couple of weeks now:

The questions were: How can I improve my feelings of self compassion, self esteem and self confidence? How can I have a feeling of a more balanced emotional curve, without so many spikes and dips in emotional well being?

So far, a coping strategy was building good and healthy habits that gave me energy, dopamine and good mood to fill my batteries for times when it is darker around my soul.

The problem that may arise is, that after the dopamine spike has faded, there sometimes is a hollowness creeping in and that is pretty depressing. So, in the end, it is a bit like a dip of the emotional state after the feeling of happiness has dwindled away after the intake of substances or quick fix habits or habit loops.

There is nothing wrong with building habits that lift my mood and help me increase self efficacy. This is where the Pavlovian Dog is important: The anticipation of being involved or finishing the habit or task ahead already raises self efficacy expectation and that is alone a source for dopamine. It’s like the dog that starts drooling at the anticipation of the food when it is signified by the bell.

The problem is: The anticipation and the good feeling will not stay forever. That alone is, of course, not the problem. But the more satisfying the anticipation, the process and the results are, the deeper you may plunge into the hollow dip afterwards.

After a theatre production, we called that the “post production hole”. It’s similar to the feeling when you wake up with a hangover and you feel depressed and empty.

But life is not one about drooling, if you understand my message. Or to put it more clearly: Life is not only about satisfying your imminent desires and needs.

At least for me, it is important to have a more or less balanced emotional curve. There is nothing wrong with spikes and dips (we all need excitement and guilty pleasures once in a while), but if my life is consistently an emotional rollercoaster, I have the dire feeling of an incoming depression and anxiety and an anticipation of anxiety filled me with panic. That is nothing I need on a regular basis

Don’t get me wrong: I will face my emotions and I will deal with anxiety and panic, but not at the cost of drinking alcohol or seeking one thrill after another to keep up my dopamine levels. That would be very unhealthy as well.

This is where the nostalgia comes in: I can’t always have happy and thrilling activities and I don’t want them, either. I know I would dive deep into depression if that was so.

What I know is, I can recreate memories of positive situations that help me stay in a more constant flow of emotional equilibrium. Allan Pease wrote, that if you visualize situations, your subconscious mind can not discern if it is real or not real, but it generates emotions that are real enough. That doesn’t mean I have to live in the past, but it means if I can tap into good memories, I can balance out emotional bumps.

I learned already that relaxation, breathing and meditation can be soothing and relaxing.

Now comes the magic: If I am able to tap into positive memories while meditating and breathing, which is meant for relaxation and easing emotional dips, I can create a mesh on which I can emotionally firmly stand, woven from the positively tapped into emotions from good memories PLUS the self efficacy expectations and self efficacy of coming habits and actions PLUS the positive aspects of constructively dealing with my emotions (like urge or emotion surfing, deconstructing bad emotions and visualizing what comes after the fading away of the emotional wave).

This way, I flatten the curves, since all taken together, it gives me a resource network I can rely on to ease anxiety and depressing thoughts, only out of the knowledge that I don’t need to fall into the deep deep ditch of depressing darkness.

There are multiple ways to tap into your emotionally positively loaded memories I want to discuss later.

Until then, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.