“We are what we do.” or “We are what we live by.” What sounds a bit like some calendar truism has actually an actual truth in it., at least for me. In the end, we might adopt a version of what others see in us as the definition of our identity. But is this what I want to identify with?

Certainly not. I don’t know about you folks, but in my opinion, shaping my own identity as far as I can is a driver of my self esteem and my reception of myself. The more actively I shape my life and reality, the more I develop self esteem and self confidence in this reality. I try to live by my own narratives, not by other’s people’s opinion I guess that had been different in earlier times. And that’s ok, because I have accepted that this is part of my life journey. If that wasn’t the case, I would surely start rethinking my patterns and narratives today. “There is no better point in time to change than today. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow will be harder.” I guess this is something that applies nearly to every part of my life I was able or will be able to have an influence on. At least if I really want to change (and it’s ok to leave some things as they are, because it’s not about mindless self optimization), I would rather try and fail than to budge and make others or circumstance responsible.

Why am I writing this? Well, diving into the rabbit hole again, I encountered passages of my life, where I met people (and myself as well) who stayed in passivity and saw no way to get out of the paralyzing state they were in, or me, when I saw no way to escape drinking, which drove me even deeper into alcohol consumption – I am dealing with this or have dealt with this someplace else.

What came to my mind was a person who externalizes a lot of his problems, blaming problems and obstacles in his way that paralyze him on circumstance, his ex wife, his own kid, the school, picture anything you like. He saw the problem everywhere else and had no idea how to escape his paralyzing misery.

What do I take away from this? I take away from this, that building sustainable habits and building on my identity through actions and a good mindset is not only about toxic self optimization, but it is a guarantor for self esteem, self efficacy and resilience. It builds resources to keep you moving and maintaining emotional flexibility, hopefully long enough to give you headspace to take action or seek help before you enter the state of paralysis. Once in paralysis, it’s gonna be very hard to think beyond the rim of your plate and take initiative. It’s easier to blame others or circumstance for your state of being. This is no solution, but It may give you the ab-solution to curl up into a ball and indulge in self pity and self destructive behavior.

Until next time, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.