If you have a déjà vu about the topic, maybe. Sometimes there are conjunctions and connections in the path that suddenly pop up, need to be refined or deserve another look.

I just realized that the connection of being authentic, transparent and when I am in line with my activities/habits and my identity, that this is a reinforcing circle that leads to fortified resilience and self esteem, which in turn feeds positively back on authenticity, transparency and identity.

Let me explain and what the trade off in this feedback loop is (which I came to experience just the other day).

First off, building my identity around a set of actions, activities and habits is a very good motor. It is a motivator, guarantor for good feelings along the day and it feeds my resilience. It feeds my feeling of self efficacy and self esteem.

Second, when I am building my identity, it feels, of course, a lot more comfortable if I do it for all and everyone to see, i.e. I need to be transparent.

Thrid, transparency comes with non-negotiable authenticity. Not being authentic would mean transparency gets lost and on the way authenticity will become feeble and then break, leading to things done in secret, and I’ve been there before, no thanks.

Being authentic lets me act transparent, being transparent is also being honest to myself, and that is the best feedback for good or malfunctioning habit and actions.

This has, as stated above (although it should be a nobrainer), fueled my resilience and my self efficacy. It makes me happy. If I am happy, it’s a reward. I keep on doing these things that build my identity and my transparency, because I know it makes me happy and stronger. So it becomes a self reinforcing feedback loop.

Is that good or bad? First glance: No problem, all is good. Second glance: If, and only if, I keep up the promise to myself of being transparent and authentic, there is, of course, a trade off. This trade off has to do with the fact that what happens if I break the feedback loop? Well, the good thing is, I know that it has happened and will happen, and I have dealt with it before by emotion surfing, deconstructing the emotions and visualising the problem in small steps and as trughful as possible. It is nonetheless not very pleasant.

What this means exactly and how I will deal with it in future needs to be a cliffhanger, I’m sorry. More on that tomorrow 🙂

Until then, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.