I may have touched upon this topic before, even more or less elaborate, but today is a day where this is more obvious to me than on other days, or at least obvious enough to share my thoughts here:

Today we have a Carnival parade in our town, and the kids wanted badly to participate. There are multiple things I have detested about Carnival in the Rhineland for a long time, and that is the pretentious happiness and disguising in gib masses with terrible music.

Today, we are not only attending it, we are taking part in the parade. Apart from having a terrible time preparing for this event, participating in a 4 hour long walk with abdominable music and questionable people who pretend to be happy, it is accompanied by a lot of alcohol.

How else, I wonder, are you able to endure such a horrible day?

Anyways. I won’t drink, it’s gonna be stressful and it’s gonna be boring.

We are doing it for the sake of our kids. That’s fair enough to give it a shot, so I agreed to participate.

And this brings me to my thoughts about my own way: Do I necessarily have to do anything to please my peers? Ok, this is my kids, this is my family, so I said yes. But I told my wife: It’s the last time I do that on Carnival.

That brings me to the question: Is it a necessity to please my family at all costs? Or others? Do I have the right to say no? I say: I have. And I think with the right way of communicating and arguments, even my kids would understand.

It’s not a question for me to say no. It’s the question of communicating and the load it poses on me. I may endure it this time. But if my kids asked me to go Bungee jumping with them, I’d say no. I wouldn’t chew barbed wire, only for pleasing the urges of my kids, would I?

So, setting your boundaries and finding compromises to keep your own mental health and well being in function is a ok. The real importance is that you exactly know your desires and needs, weigh in on pros and cons of the needs and desires of others and then find a compromise or at least communicate your “no” in a sensible and sensitive way. This way no-one gets hurt and you can keep true to yourself.

Especially when it comes to harming my physical an psychic well being (that’s why I would never ever say yes to and offered or forced upon drink of alcohol).

This is what I learned today and what I am going to teach my kids. This is (for me) and will be (for my kids) an important life lesson to be learned.

Until next time: Keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.