Yes, I admit it, I am a nerd. Have always been, may always be. I won’t discuss the up- and downsides of being a nerd here, that is a different issue. But one advantageous aspect is knowing about the power of RPG (role playing games). Why?

Well, gaming, and particularly role playing (not in the nerdy pen and paper manner, but as a small child) is an important aspect of growing up, in the realm of animals and likewise in the realm of humans: It practices social situation behaviors, survival, hunt, awareness, anything a small animal or human is able to basically learn in a simulated, but imaginatively realistic manner (remember, the brain doesn’t necessarily need a real setting to ‘feel’ if it’s real or simulation. For the brain it is – stress as well as happiness, dread, joy, you name it).

All in all, for my understanding, playing is a dopamine activating, emotionally (mostly) alleviating and psychologically balancing or processing form of activity.

It may not come as a surprise, then, that playing or gaming is used in therapy and education to work on several issues, especially related to emotional or social distress.

We as social workers, for example, use table top games, and especially table top role playing games (*TTRPG, so here you have your explanation) as a medium for social interaction and/or emotional regulation practice.

Now, this long prelude is not to explain methods of working or the behavioral psychology behind the phenomenon. It is an explanation why it’s so important on my journey. So here goes:

I tried and I am still trying to get hold of emotional imbalance after quitting drinking/leaving the Pink Cloud. It is an important insight that emotional imbalance is a key factor in my success or failure to sustain sobriety and/or emotional stability and self esteem, let alone self compassion.

I discussed a couple of methods to get hold of the aspects I just mentioned, and here comes one thing that especially seems to have a lot of power:

Role Playing.

I have been roll playing all my teen and early adult life and it always gave me a good feeling, because you can dive into a simulated identity that suits your needs and desires. Yes, as with every activity, the risk of getting into addictive or toxic behavior is given, such as spending time only in your role playing world, virtual or not, and canceling out reality. No need to discuss that here, since toxic activities is something I have covered before.

Let’s just assume I do it on a mindful basis.

I haven’t played RPGs in a long time, but I always wanted to do so a long time. Just by coincidence, I stumbled over a crowd funded horror RPG, that just seems to suit my needs or desires:

It is a Horror Journaling Table Top Role Playing Game which can be played solo.

What does that all mean?

1. Horror: My favorite subject matter in fiction. Ask me anything about horror films, franchises games. I absolutely love it. I couldn’t answer for a long time why I love to watch horror films although I have an anxiety disorder at the same time. Recently, I found out that it has to do with the anxiety surfing that has obviously a good effect on my anxiety regulation.
2. Journaling: Well, I don’t think I need to elaborate on the positive advantages of journaling. In the case of an RPG it means, however, that you write down your experience and feelings coming up during playing, to give it a more substantial imagination effect. What a great way to get in touch with my inner emotional world, since I can navigate it in a simulated world and create a character that is what I need right now. I need to ask myself the correct questions in character creation about what I want to examine about my anxiety or depressive state and so I can play a character that is like a surrogate in a deeply hostile world without taking damage myself.
3. Table Top Role Playing: Well, that simply means it is not all pen and paper, but has a certain Haptic Touch to it, because I will have a hex map, battle simulations, track my journey and so forth.
4. Playing it solo: With the right set of rules and background, it is favorable to me to play it solo, because I may need to dive into and reflect states of emotions and self esteem I don’t want to share with others (yet). If I want to share, I would do it on this blog, my community or in my podcast.

Ok, that has been a long post. I will keep you updated on the process and what (probably) what games I play(ed). Most importantly, though, is the aspect of how it changes my own dealing with my emotions and my attitudes.

Until next time, keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.