Why is it important to think about this issue, and what doe friends and other people have to do with it?

I sometimes get the feeling not having performed enough, not being enough or not being professional. This feeling is often something that happens in the combination with alcohol as a cue to get more relaxed, have lower inhibition boundaries or the like.

Since I don’t drink anymore and I have discovered that drinking to numb this feeling only postpones and aggravates this feeling, I started working on my self efficacy and self efficacy expectation. Doing sports or working in my job gives me this pleasure, but sometimes it is not sustained. Then I used to drink to get this feeling out of sight. These days, I am with myself alone, or I can talk with others.

A more effective tool than reflecting and talking it through with friends is to deconstruct the feeling and try to give the parts individual labels and prioritize how to work on the problem parts so they don’t seem so daunting any more. It helps me a lot to find out that it has nothing to do with me as a person or with my overall demeanor or my skills and character. It’s more about decisions not made, decisions carried out improperly or not being motivated enough, and so forth.

Deconstructing these feelings of underperformance of little self worth get a lot smaller and can be overcome in most of the times. Sometimes there are, however, things you can’t control. Deconstruct them as well, and the smaller parts seem to be better manageable..

Until then: Keep up the faith in yourself and take one step at a time.